A quiet time

So after a busy start to the blog I haven't posted for a while. I've been pretty busy lately but the truth is I've been on a downer. I had been helping other people through this blog and so I was hesitant to post negativity. That's my good old friend anxiety kicking in and making me worry when I shouldn't. A fair bit of over thinking going on too. I kind of forgot that the people reading this are supportive rather than judgmental, but so what if they are judging me? The narrow minded judgers of this world aren't worth my time to worry about. That's the truth but not always so easy to overcome the anxiety worries.

Oh, I just want to apologise for any trouble in spellings, grammar or my writing in general. I'm sending this from my phone and its a little after 1am.

So my sleeping is getting worse again. I had about 6 weeks where I was getting 9+ hours of sleep a night and only waking 2 or 3 times. Now though I'm lucky to get 6 hours and will wake up 5 or 6 times most nights. I struggle with it, especially getting up in the mornings but my doc isn't too worried unless I'm down below 4 hours regularly. I've tried sleeping tablets a couple times to try and get me in to a better sleeping pattern but they never seemed to make a difference. I'm sure its all connected to my stress levels.

My stress, anxiety and general frustrations have been building up again lately. It's all from 'normal' worries rather than any of the more imaginative depression worries which is a positive. Things are increased as it's all getting bottled up inside. I was talking with a close friend for a while that really helped but due to various things that had to stop. Now all I'm really left with is my private blog. It's not this one, its one only I see and I use it to talk and think through personal issues and get out any of my frustrations without hurting anyone close to me. It's hard to explain to people but some of the stuff that goes through my mind can be pretty horrible and hurtful. It feels strong but it isn't always what I really think so I need to get it out of my system. Once its out then it often goes away or at least its strength lessens. If I talked to people too close I could scare or hurt them so that leaves me with my private blog. It goes some way to helping and I would recommend writing down your problems and worries but if you have anybody you can talk to, that can help far more to get a second perspective on things or just to feel a little sympathy or empathy.

If anybody who reads this blog ever needs somebody to talk to I'm always willing. You can get in touch and I'll let you know my number if you haven't already got it.